Don’t post THAT

We all love reading raw material. We love those who share their vulnerabilities. We admire those who pull skeletons out of their closets. Shoot, even the chewbacca lady became famous quick. She was willing to share her real and totally dorky moment of laughter with the world. Viral. She went viral. We admire confessions. We love testimonials.

I love my momma. I do. We’ve had an interesting relationship, but lately we’ve at least been getting along. We talked the other day and she advised me by saying, “Don’t post THAT.” See, she’s aware of me sharing my ED journey on my blog. She’s aware that I share honest moments of life online. When she thinks of the opinions others will have of her daughter, I’m sure she wants them to be good ones; and what could be so good about her daughter telling everyone of her life struggles? Perhaps it makes her not look as good of a parent… Perhaps she’s afraid someone will hurt me when I’ve already put myself in a position of vulnerability. Whatever the reason is, she doesn’t get excited when I share personal details of life struggles. Yet, boy do she and my grandma like when I share my victories, but again- not the struggles.

To put your story out there, whether on Facebook, IG, blogging, etc. takes balls. To share it with your coworker, friend, or brother, takes courage. It takes guts to be honest about what you’re going through. To let others in can be super scary. True, they can hurt you. They can laugh. They can make fun of you. However, there’s also the chance of giving someone else hope. When I was beginning my recovery from anorexia, I scoured the internet just to find someone who perhaps was going through the same thing as I, someone I could relate to. Sharing life experiences can be radically encouraging because whoever you’re talking/writing to might think- “Wow, they’re just like me. I’m glad I’m not the only one going through this.”

Maybe you’re thinking, “What do I have to share? I’m just a stay-at-home mom.” Or, “What I’m dealing with is not THAT bad. Things could be worse.” Another thought could be,“Nothing exciting is going on in my life.”  

Trust me, there’s stuff you have to share.

Look, you don’t have to be a blogger to share your story. Any part of it. It just takes guts. You’re brave. Share. Inspire. Talk. You’ll be amazed at what happens when you share exactly THAT thing!


A Change In Your Wind

Life can be so weird. You cannot deny the awkward phases of transition.

When you were a baby, you had a cute little set of baby teeth. As a kid they turned to scraggly ones, crookedly growing in. After you ripened, you got yourself somewhere between 28-32 nice (or sometimes not-so-nice) adult teeth.


Or perhaps you got these. If you had to improvise with foil, trust me, I understand.

Let’s take another example: In the wintertime, you get fluffy, beautiful, sparkly, white stuff outside. (If you live in Utah anyway!) In the summertime, you get sunshine, warm beaches, and endless fun. Between those seasons we get spring. While there is a blooming side to it, there’s also the rainy and mucky part. There are days so gloomy you don’t know what the heck to do with yourself.


What I would call Oregon weather.

One more: You’ve been in a certain environment physically, or have been spiritually ministering in a particular way, and you were so passionately doing what you were. Then faintly you begin tapping into a new idea of where God wants you and what He could be leading you into. So, you go through a time of just persevering. Your passion for your past phase is beginning to dwindle and yet, the time to move on has not totally come. You JUST hang in there, it’s all you can do since you’re not willing to stupidly jump the gun.


At times we don’t even have a decent awareness of the exact change in our life seasons, things just seem so confusing and even hard. My most recent example of a mental transition has been going from excitedly talking to girls about eating disorders and recovery, to trying to figure out what motivates me next in life. (I do still want to be a therapist in an ED clinic, but ED’s are not all I think about now.) Maybe you’re a few degrees more stable in your passions than I! Within a few years I can jump from living in Africa, to blogging descriptive details of my ED journey, to happily going back to college full time. However, we all go through times of change. In fact, the only thing that is a constant in life IS change! Let me simply remind both you and I, that the end will be truly worth it and there will be sun. Which I love. But, moving on…




(For players Hurt & older, any age really)

Welcome to Numbland… a world of finally feeling nothing! Come and meet the Fake Friends, the Money Mountain, and explore the Self-absorbed Swamp. As you go, don’t forget to visit the Condemning Grandma and the Religious Prince. But watch out for the clues left by the Godly Soldiers! They are the ones who want to pull you out. 

OBJECT: Pass through the entire game without noticing the Positive Squares. Be the first player to make it to the last Negative Square without meeting Joy.

CONTENTS: 1 Life, 4 Voices, & 64 Trials.

SETUP: Start living the game of life. Make yourself afraid to open up. Allow people to stop you from achieving your dreams. Find all the ways you can mash down the Feelings. (You don’t want to feel)


1. Try not to die, unless that accidentally happens.

2. The Voices and Truths will try beating you down.

3. Shortcuts- 1) Drugs, 2) Alcohol, 3) Unfulfilled social life 4) Religious Rituals 5) A non-daring heart.

4. Negative squares: There are 20 of these. They were put here to test your limits & direct you towards the Numbland Goal. If you get stuck in one of these, the rest of the life game sucks, but at least you’ll feel less.

5. Play as above, until you learn how to navigate through the good times and get to the Goal of Numbland.

HOW TO WIN THE GAME: Aim for the shortcuts, discern the voices, and when you finally feel nothing- you’ve won.

GAMEPLAY: This game requires no control- just the desire to survive. On your turn, remember the Trial cards and decide which way you will go.

VOICES: When you hear the voices, decipher them all. Follow the one that leads you to FLIP THE GAME OVER—

That’s when you’ve actually won. Welcome to Feeling and welcome to Life.


inspired by my favorite childhood game of course.                seasoned with spice.

Get Your Hands Off

You don’t hold my power.

“Change! Your car is not new enough. Your clothes are not in. Your appearance is not up to par. You are not kind enough. You are not brave enough. You are too tall. You are too small. You are too flabby. You are too chunky. Change. You’re not enough. Period. I am done!”

That’s the world. That’s people. That’s our society if we don’t reverse it all. The Power-Handoff starts in elementary. You get picked on in Jr High, welcome to High School- you still don’t measure up. Your hair’s not tall enough, hail Utah. Tragically, this can start even before elementary, in the homes of the most Normal Decent Folks. These experiences shape you. Or, maybe they don’t.

The Elders of Old at times still conform, to  the trend of giving power away. “Your handkerchief isn’t clean enough, sir.” (Ok, I’m kidding on that one. I hope it’s clean.) Back to the thought now…

Some Sad Folks spend their entire lives giving power away to measure up to the standards of the Relentless Perfect Ones. The race is in vain. There’s nothing in the end, literally nothing left of themselves.

You get to choose, as do I. Will you do you? Or will you attempt to change after one muttered word? After a cruel comment? After a passive joke?

I don’t want to anymore. This game is old and I like new tricks.

Moving on.