A Change In Your Wind

Life can be so weird. You cannot deny the awkward phases of transition.

When you were a baby, you had a cute little set of baby teeth. As a kid they turned to scraggly ones, crookedly growing in. After you ripened, you got yourself somewhere between 28-32 nice (or sometimes not-so-nice) adult teeth.

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Or perhaps you got these. If you had to improvise with foil, trust me, I understand.

Let’s take another example: In the wintertime, you get fluffy, beautiful, sparkly, white stuff outside. (If you live in Utah anyway!) In the summertime, you get sunshine, warm beaches, and endless fun. Between those seasons we get spring. While there is a blooming side to it, there’s also the rainy and mucky part. There are days so gloomy you don’t know what the heck to do with yourself.

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What I would call Oregon weather.

One more: You’ve been in a certain environment physically, or have been spiritually ministering in a particular way, and you were so passionately doing what you were. Then faintly you begin tapping into a new idea of where God wants you and what He could be leading you into. So, you go through a time of just persevering. Your passion for your past phase is beginning to dwindle and yet, the time to move on has not totally come. You JUST hang in there, it’s all you can do since you’re not willing to stupidly jump the gun.

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At times we don’t even have a decent awareness of the exact change in our life seasons, things just seem so confusing and even hard. My most recent example of a mental transition has been going from excitedly talking to girls about eating disorders and recovery, to trying to figure out what motivates me next in life. (I do still want to be a therapist in an ED clinic, but ED’s are not all I think about now.) Maybe you’re a few degrees more stable in your passions than I! Within a few years I can jump from living in Africa, to blogging descriptive details of my ED journey, to happily going back to college full time. However, we all go through times of change. In fact, the only thing that is a constant in life IS change! Let me simply remind both you and I, that the end will be truly worth it and there will be sun. Which I love. But, moving on…

Better-Things-Ahead

Joe.

You’re chattin’ with buddy Joe. It’s morning, gray outside, and you’d prefer a good ol’ cup o’ Joe over the read deal sitting right next to you. Joe depressingly shares the struggle he’s going through. You’re not sure if it’s still the loss of a cat he’s talking about, but all you hear is- ‘whine, complain, & “I’m a victim.”‘ 

“If HE thinks that’s hard, let ME tell him about the loss I’ve faced in my wise years.” You share your tragic grief and end with, “See Joe, I came through it! I’M not complaining. I’m making sublime lemonade from Life’s Lemons.”

One might argue that you are an encouragement, but another might say it’s pure disregard and insensitivity to Mr.Joe.

Take a child. In his curious eyes, your driveway is a really steep hill which he’s afraid to ride his bicycle (with training wheels) too fast on. For you, it’s a tiny slope where you mindlessly park your car daily. You breeze through it in 8 adult steps, or maybe 80 baby ones.

What is trauma for one, might not be for another. Joe’s tragedy might be cakewalk for you.

Cool, you’re cool. Cool! We’re all on our own journey. Even Joe Dirt was on quite the unique one. We have a choice: Will we destroy or will we listen and build up?

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Oh, HEY JOE!

Frank Honest.

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That moment.

The light is green, but the downtown streets are busy, both morning and evening. You pull forward, but the butt of your car still sticks way out and if that light dare turn red, you’ll be blocking half the intersection. You think (or say), “Crap. Hurry up cars, move!” The light up ahead of them turns green, they pull forward just enough to where you’re safe from the oncoming traffic. First thought, “Phew! at least I’M safe!” …And then you notice that the person behind you has not been as fortunate and their car is still way out in front of others. At this point you either think, “I’m glad that’s not ME,” or, “How can I pull up closer to the car in front of me to help the guy behind me?”

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Hi. My name is Frank and my last name is Honest. I think the selfish thought first. I get embarrassed and I’m reminded of my new nature- a nature that’s God’s. The most generous and selfless One. So I ask, “Dear God, please change mine.”

 

Miss. New Ness

  1. A new car.
  2. A new home.
  3. A new relationship.
  4. Your first job.
  5. Fresher clothes.
  6. A new experience. That one— New experiences! We love them!
  7. Your first trip abroad.
  8. Your first kiss.
  9. The first trip outside of your mind.
  10. The first time you voted.
  11. A promotion.
  12. Your baptism.
  13. The day you bungee jumped, skydived, or rock climbed.
  14. Your first tattoo, piercing, and colored hair.
  15. Your first cellphone, time you sneaked out, or took a trip to the movies.
  16. The first time you got stung by a bee.
  17. Your drivers test.
  18. Your relative’s funeral.
  19. Your child’s first word.
  20. A birth.
  21. The list goes on and on and on.

There is something about humanity & new experiences! We tire of the old. We unfriend the familiar. We are on a chase for a new high.

 

However, what do you do the day that drive attempts to pull you South? What if you’ve already got something good going on, but you miss Miss.Newness? The chase- it never satisfies. In a relationship, the most memorable and “exciting” season for many people- is that of courtship. Why? Because so much is new. That’s why after a few years of marriage, the couple needs to “spice things up.” Or take buying that new car- notice that new car smell, but within weeks stop sensing such.

So what do you do to satisfy that insatiable drive? How many new things can you actually experience before the writing ink for your list dries out?

Good or bad, the “first times” and the new moments of our lives, we remember with admiration. I’ve been thinking for a couple weeks now, what is the solution for this search of ours? Is this phenomenon a part of our DNA or our character? Why such a drive?

There is something my friend did say that makes sense- she talked about doing things mechanically once they’re routine and how it isn’t fun to catch yourself doing that. So I conclude- We want to be connected with our hearts. The first time we ever do anything, we are full on into it, hard or easy. We are fully into it, because we want to do our best. Animals do not posses such a quality. The drive DOES give our human lives quality and pushes us to be our best. In that connection with our hearts, is the search for identity.

What do you make of the drive for New Ness?

the Jesus people.

“You’re free to be you,” the woman said.

“You’re adopted into our family.”

“God is Gouda, thank you Cheesus,” she laughed.

And quite frankly the man had correct discernment and enough courage to tell me, “You’ve got an eating disorder.”

The woman cut off my hair for me one night as it didn’t make me holier. A few months later she trusted me to do the same to hers.

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Jesus became my Rockstar (He is the Rock and the greatest Star! I was so excited about such a discovery!) and I was no longer scared to call God “Daddy” in place of “Heavenly Father.”  To love reading books outside of the Bible became a joy to me again and I was reunited with the little girl I once used to be.

They were not perfect, but Christ in them was. They valued me and honored me. For the first time in life I was accepted, just as I was.

You see, today I had quite the therapy session. Mostly we talked about my relationship/resentment towards my mother. My therapist asked me, “So, what is it that led you to finally start valuing yourself and stop letting yourself get manipulated?” I knew what it was. A family in Africa demonstrated real love to me and light was shed upon my heart. The time spent with them has forever changed me and now I see in a way I couldn’t see before. The therapist says, “You speak of them so differently. You get such a big smile on your face. How did they make you feel?” I replied, “Accepted.”

The mom wasn’t a neat-freak. The dad watched a lot of TV. The children ran around noisily. But at the end of the day, the woman put her boys to sleep and sang to them and the husband waited for his wife. And they freakin loved each other. (Hannah I hope you read that <——)

They were the closest thing to Jesus people I had ever met.

(& then there was a very fun girl, a faithful sister-listener, and a couple from England that loved on me. they all were shining Jesus too.)

A Plunge.

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Okay… Not that kind of Plunge. Please. Keep Reading.

You try something new. You branch out. You step out of your comfort parallelogram. You decide that it’s time for something new and big in your life. comfort-zone

You take the first few steps. The rest seems impossible. The ground below you is rocky and you stub a toe. The circumstances around you, the people, the time you’ve got left- all add to your frenzy.

 

Should I have done this? Maybe this journey is impossible for me… Sure, others have made it before me, but I won’t make it in time. 

A life goal. A dream. A journey of healing. Forgiveness. Life changes. A career. Marriage. Kids. Loans. Putting yourself out there. Creating music. Painting art. Traveling abroad. Living your whole life in your hometown. Adoption. A church ministry. ED recovery (That one’s for me.), whatever is on your living heart.

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Whatever you’ve decided to do, in hopes of getting to your goal, you’ve taken a step of faith. But you glance back. You get the thought: Perhaps it wasn’t so bad back there. Maybe life was not that bad when I was lonely, bitter, and at the mercy of others. The rocks under your feet are relentlessly reminding you that you’re already in a different place now and there’s no going back! Your goal seems distant and you taste the dust. You wonder if the journey will be worth it. With what you see going on around you- the chaos, the noise, you can only hope and trust.

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The Israelite Fam stepped onto a rocky path once, unpaved. Behind them was death, before them was life. On the sides the waters piled high. Maybe at least one of them had the thought, “All of this can just collapse on me and for my efforts I’ll be screwed.” But God was unyielding. He got them through. The barbaric walls that reached toward the sky loomed in their eyes, but never came crashing down. They had to trust their Heavenly Papa. They had to trust that if He told them to drive on Sea-Bottom Avenue, He was going to take care of his babies.

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With whatever you’ve decided to do, or perhaps are simply debating on doing, something that will bring life and a better future for you- trust your Dad in. He can teleport you, run across the waves holding your hand, or He can simply teach you how to swim. Those who stood against you, maybe even laughed, picked on you, or tell you to stop- they get pummeled in the end. And you? You’re standing on fresh ground. You’ve crossed to the other side. It’s sunny here. It’s warm. You think it to be nice. You did it. It’s done.sunshine1